Yesterday started off as one of the happiest I'd had in forever...
I am a happy optimistic realist who lives each day at a time ...
but one of my sons has a much more complex personality and I have fought for years against experts who think they can see him for half an hour and "know what's best" for him.
We were in a very positive place.. he had competed his first year at college and was looking forward to September ...life was looking quite promising.
Then I got a call from someone who it seems had not fully understood the situation and my world slammed face first into that same concrete wall I had been chipping away at all his life.
To say I "lost it" would be a gross understatement...
I pride myself on being reasonable and calm...
for the first time in my life I screamed ...shouted abuse and hurled insults down the phone at a person who may or may not have deserved it (he said he'd been asked to call me), but he got the message so wrong.
I was outside in my front garden, next door to a nursery/primary school, and I didn't care, I was so angry and could only feel the pain I was going to have to cause my own child.
As it happens no one has come round to complain so I can only assume that in between the abuse it was obvious I was defending a child.
So...after a day of emailing back and forth...the BOSS got involved. He had been copied into the email conversation. He interrupted the flow telling his staff that this wasn't going well and that someone should be speaking to me directly and reassuring me that my son WOULD be offered a place on the course as we had been expecting, and asking them to get me to call him personally(he put his number in the email)
I called immediately...He was calm and wonderful and said from what he was reading he wasn't surprised I was so angry...no student should get a call like that...and that the person who called me hadn't any authority to speak for his department!!!
So I had a day go from bliss to despair in a single moment caused by one careless expert.
I don't usually post stuff like this, but it may help you understand my entry for this weeks prompt from A Dash of Sunny "Hate's a Parasite that rots your soul"
One of those days...
On those days when the Experts decide "what is best"
Then depart to leave a great hole in my chest.
Hate's the FUEL that helps me not to back down,
*though my smile has now been replaced by a frown*
It may stop me from being all "sparkle" and "fun",
But it WILL help me protect a more vulnerable one.
So, no sympathy noises , don't try to placate
Lest my justified anger expands into HATE.
Some feel HATE is a parasite that eats at your soul,
But for me it's the thing that is keeping me whole.
and just to lighten this post a little...imagine the other persons face...
"Hello Mrs Morley...as Zac won't be offered a place on level 3 next year I wondered if you could bring him down in the morning to audition for a music course he might be interested in?"
*my brain trying to deal with sudden input of unexpected info*
"Have you any idea how much effort it takes me to get him out of the house on such short notice?"
"Yes it is a bit short notice*little laugh trying to be sociable*, but I finish for the summer tomorrow and....."
"I'M NOT FUCKING LAUGHING!!!!!" and boom!
Wishing every one a life with only as much hate as they need to survive XXX