People I love

Friday, 15 July 2016

Some days....

Yesterday started off as one of the happiest I'd had in forever...
I am a happy optimistic realist who lives each day at a time ...
but one of my sons has a much more complex personality and I have fought for years against experts who think they can see him for half an hour and "know what's best" for him.
We were in a very positive place.. he had competed his first year at college and was looking forward to September was looking quite promising.
Then I got a call from someone who it seems had not fully understood the situation and my world slammed face first into that same concrete wall I had been chipping away at all his life.
To say I "lost it" would be a gross understatement...
I pride myself on being reasonable and calm...
for the first time in my life I screamed ...shouted abuse and hurled insults down the phone at a person who may or may not have deserved it (he said he'd been asked to call me), but he got the message so wrong.
I was outside in my front garden, next door to a nursery/primary school, and I didn't care, I was so angry and could only feel the pain I was going to have to cause my own child.
As it happens no one has come round to complain so I can only assume that in between the abuse it was obvious I was defending a child.
So...after a day of emailing back and forth...the BOSS got involved. He had been copied into the email conversation. He interrupted the flow telling his staff that this wasn't going well and that someone should be speaking to me directly and reassuring me that my son WOULD be offered a place on the course as we had been expecting, and asking them to get me to call him personally(he put his number in the email)
I called immediately...He was calm and wonderful and said from what he was reading he wasn't surprised I was so student should  get a call like that...and that the person who called me hadn't any authority to speak for his department!!!
So I had a day go from bliss to despair in a single moment caused by one careless expert.

I don't usually post stuff like this, but it may help you understand my entry for this weeks prompt from A Dash of Sunny "Hate's a Parasite that rots your soul"

One of those days...

On those days when the Experts decide "what is best"
Then depart to leave a great hole in my chest.
Hate's the FUEL that helps me not to back down,
*though my smile has now been replaced by a frown*
It may stop me from being all "sparkle" and "fun",
But it WILL help me protect a more vulnerable one.
So, no sympathy noises , don't try to placate
Lest my justified anger expands into HATE.

Some feel HATE is a parasite that eats at your soul,
But for me it's the thing that is keeping me whole.

and just to lighten this post a little...imagine the other persons face...
"Hello Mrs Zac won't be offered a place on level 3 next year I wondered if you could bring him down in the morning to audition for a music course he might be interested in?"
*my brain trying to deal with sudden input of unexpected info*
"Have you any idea how much effort it takes me to get him out of the house on such short notice?"
"Yes it is a bit short notice*little laugh trying to be sociable*, but I finish for the summer tomorrow and....."
"I'M NOT FUCKING LAUGHING!!!!!" and boom!

Wishing every one a life with only as much hate as they need to survive XXX


  1. I can feel the determination in your lines with reference to 'Some feel HATE is a parasite that eats at your soul, but for me it's the thing that is keeping me whole.' Beautifully executed. Thank you so much for participating at Prompt Nights and for your constant love and support.

    Lots of love,

  2. It is so sad to to have to deal with people that are totally unsympathetic with a family's problems and don't realize the impact of such ill advised communication. It is not hard to hate in such circumstances...well explode might be a better term.

  3. Good for you for taking the fight right back at them. I hope the person that called is seriously reprimanded for speaking out of turn and in a totally clueless manner. Your son is fortunate to have such a caring, but efficient Warrior Woman as his mother. Way to go!

  4. Ah hun you keep battling and don't ever apologise for sounding off on here - what us Mum's won't do for our sons and daughters isn't worth writing on the back of a postage stamp. I'm glad the situation was finally diffused it should never have happened in the first place.

  5. Good for you for using whatever you need to to protect those you love. No-one wants to use hate but sometimes it's our only fuel,,,Well written - and - understood.

  6. I feel your deep, poignant emotions as you rally into battle to protect your son and so you should, it's what mothers do, but it breaks my heart that ignorant and insensitive people can cause so much pain and suffering and are seemingly without a brain and heart of their own. You go girl and help break down these institutional barriers that we have to deal with day by day. Your beautifully written words are very powerful, I would send them to the one person who helped you, they might be able to use them with others to help them see the distress they can cause when they don't think about what they are doing. I hope your days and weeks get better again now. Huge hugs xxx

  7. Love will cause that rush of Adrenalin; which our motors need in some times of despair, yet i disagree that we need to expand into the realm of hate. I think we should strive to conquer and quell it

    much love...

  8. dire need it was & done most courageously...great lines...

  9. Aargh! Especially in the face of knowing that experts are only experts in the knowing of jack-shit - i hope and hope that there will be better days for you both

  10. Sometimes it cleanses, to release all that frustration, rather than keep it inside and keep your calm face on the outside. I hope you are feeling more on an even keep now and that things continue on in the way that they should for you and your son. Such a lucky young man, to have you behind him.

  11. I think most healthy people have some issues that they truly hate. I, for instance, hate discrimination, racism, sexism... and pretty much anything that excludes a group of people or that mistreats them just because they aren't like the group doing the mistreating.

    Thank goodness we are sane enough to use our words against such injustices. We can't be blamed if sometimes our words are virtual hammers, some people just bring it out of us. I can only imagine the kind of harm that idiot would have caused, if Zac didn't have a mother with a backbone as strong as the universe when it comes to her child.

    "So, no sympathy noises" towards that individual from me. He should've been more careful. So there.

  12. You are a strong and loving mother. The last two lines of your poem are powerful.

  13. To fight for a cause and to fight without bitterness that is the way. There is no hate involved but just to give added info. Rightly so, Gina!


  14. I'm so glad the boss supported you and him!

  15. This is what happens when someone is not thinking and in their own little world, obviously knowing very little about your son. I was always the one that had to mend these types of situations when I was an educator....glad the BOSS was a supportive human being...and good for you fierce momma!

    Coming to you from Prompt Nights


  16. I am proud of you Gina! You kicked ass! Zac has a great mom!!! I am so happy the Boss got involved and everything got straightened out!

  17. Anger can be a wonderful fuel for fighting battles like this. I should know, as I'm a veteran of this type of fight. *hug* Hang tough momma bear. I'm glad things were resolved.

  18. I don't think this was hate. I think it was love. A gorgeous piece of your own art. Hugz

  19. *whew* what a fabulous mother you are, and thank goodness you got to the right person! Just... WHY does one have to get that emotive to have the right things happen!!! Hang in there <3